Is That Show Appropriate for Her to Watch?

You’re inspired to take your daughter to a movie or show that’s a little
more adult than Little Mermaid, or someone else invites her to such an
event.  Can you decide ahead of time if it’s appropriate?  If not, what
happens if you get into the event and parts of it are not OK for her age
or maturity level?

Here in Colorado we get pretty excited when a Broadway show rolls
into town.  Last summer, when my friend and I learned that Movin’
Out was hitting our small city in November, we made immediate plans
to buy tickets on the first day they were sold.

She would bring her husband, and I would bring my mother.  (I
confess, my husband and I had already seen this show once on
Broadway, and he is not into the repeat viewings like I am.)

Months later, performance day arrived.  My mother and I were settled
in our seats, browsing our programs as the clock ticked away toward
start time.  The two seats next to us were still vacant.  I knew my
friends couldn’t have forgotten, so where could they be?  Ah, here they
come, my friend and…her eleven-year-old daughter?

They couldn’t find a babysitter for their kids, so, after much discussion,
hubby stayed home and oldest daughter came.

“Wow,” I said, leaning over to the young lady.  “You’re in for a treat.”

There was nothing in the first half of the show that she wouldn’t
understand.  But as the house lights went down again after
intermission, memories of scenes from the second act flooded my
consciousness.  The main character, Eddie, has returned home from
the senseless Vietnam war, unappreciated and grieving the loss of his
close friend James in the sniper fire.  Eddie is angry and spirals down
into a vortex of immoral sexual acts combined with drug and alcohol
use to cope with the remains of his life.

We’ve all done it – taken risks with our daughters on what may or may
not be appropriate.  So the question is, how did it turn out?  I asked
my friend to share with me how her daughter reacted during the show
and what she was curious about during the show.

First of all, my friend said her daughter has a pretty good idea of what
makes her uncomfortable.  When mom offered daughter a shoulder to
hide in, daughter was more than happy to comply for some scenes.
Hey, there’s an angle I often forget…our girls don’t have to watch it all!
Though we don’t want to overexpose them to content that will confuse
or scare them, we can teach them to recognize when they feel
uncomfortable.  Signs can include noticeable physical reactions such as
racing heart, pounding temples, or heightened nervous tension.

The main content of their post-show discussion was characteristics of
the Vietnam War.  My friend explained to her girl how our country was
torn apart politically and socially after the war, how the kids that
served in the jungles were so young, and how little respect the
Vietnam vets received when they returned back home. 

My friend also wisely broached how people sometimes mask their
strong emotions with drugs and alcohol so that they don’t have to deal
with their feelings.  In my opinion, these topics are all quite excellent
talking points with an eleven-year-old girl heading off to middle school
next year.

So, was the show a risk?  Well, yes, a calculated one.  Did it yield a
positive outcome?  I feel it was very positive.  I think we often forget
that as parents we can still help protect our girls in the midst of
something a bit over their heads.  We can also help turn a risky
situation into something productive and educational.

Mama J (Diane Fromme) is a writer, parent, and stepparent located in
Northern Colorado.  For more information on her stepparenting book,
go to www.dianefromme.com.

Tags: age appropriateness, Communication, honesty, maturity level, Movies, Shows, talking points, Television, Tweens