The Blessings of Face Time, Part 1

I’m here to validate an understatement: for real relationships, face time trumps Facebook.

Our stepfamily had a lot of face time in 2010. Each of my adult stepkids (then 23 and 22) stayed with us during the year, living in our basement one right after the other. Instead of just marking “Like” on a Facebook comment, it was nice to be able to hear the expanded version of the latest. We even managed to eat some meals together without much pre-planning.

Do I wish that they lived in the house permanently? Well, no, and at their ages I know they are also eager to be independent. But, living under one roof and acting (mostly) like adults with each other was sure a relaxed way to catch up and stay in touch. The time together deepened our relationships.

My 24-year-old stepdaughter and her fiancé managed to live in what is basically our basement storage area for four months. My stepdaughter got to know our 11-year-old, her little sister, much better. What a boost for my young one to have her older sibling around and to play Wii together! We have one dog and they brought two more, so I was often greeted by the mythological three-headed Cerberus when I came in the door. A little chaotic? Yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely, extra dog hair and all.

Now we are planning my stepdaughter’s wedding, and that is certainly not something that can be done on Facebook! My stepdaughter and I are moving into new territory —  scheduling appointments together. Facebook definitely augments our knowledge of what’s happening in each other’s lives, but, like texting, I consider it a supplement and not a replacement for relationship.

My stepdaughter was talking about the new house before they moved out and joked, “I’ll bet you can’t wait to get rid of us!” I replied, “No, actually, it’s been nice to have you here.” She just smiled. As recently as four years prior, I wouldn’t have honestly meant that. Kids do grow up and we all can change the way we relate to one another.

Is Facebook contact with your children or stepchildren enough for you? Why or why not?

Stay tuned next week to hear how life progressed when my stepson moved in and out.

Mama J (Diane Fromme) is a Northern-Colorado-based freelance writer who enjoys discussing family relationships and dynamics.

Tags: Communication, Relationships, stepfamilies, Stepparenting, young adults