Sometimes when I need a new perspective, jokes like these make me look at the world a different way.  I hope they give you the same shift.  Enjoy your day! 

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

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Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

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Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

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Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

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Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

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Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

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Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

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Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

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Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen).
A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

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Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

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Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.

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Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

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Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Good Advice From Kids

“Never trust a dog to watch your food.”
-Patrick, age 10

“When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid?’ Don’t answer.”
-Hannah, age 9

Never tell your Mom her diet’s not working.”
-Michael, age 14

“Stay away from prunes.”
-Randy, age 9

“Don’t pull Dad’s finger when he tells you to.”
-Emily, age 10

“When your Mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.”
-Taylia, age 11

“Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.”
-Traci, age 14

“A puppy always has bad breath–even after eating a Tic-Tac.”
– Andrew, age 9

“Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.”
– Kyoyo, age 11

“You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.”
-Amir, age 9

“Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.”
-Kellie, age 11

“If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.”
-Naomi, age 15

“Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.”
-Lauren, age 9

“Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.”
-Joel, age 10

“When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she’s on the phone.”
-Alyesha, age 13

“Never try to baptize a cat.”
-Eileen, age 8

Mama J (Diane Fromme) is a writer, parent, and stepparent who needs more humor flowing into her Northern Colorado home and office.  For more information on her book, Stepparenting the Grieving Child, go to www.dianefromme.com.

Tags: Family humor, funny kids, good advice from kids, jokes