I was struck, during and after my recent interview with Barbara Bue of KRFC radio, by how little she and I knew about each other and yet how much we had in common as stepmoms. As we are diving headlong into the holiday season, I’m advocating a little reminder to all stepparents to seek out constructive support. This can be with other stepparents, with whom we seem to have instant camaraderie. The only caution I hold dear is not to be pulled down into a whine fest (a wine fest might be OK in moderation, however). I hold out the hope that when stepparents support and mentor other stepparents, we attempt to keep our kvetching to a minimum and instead really problem solve and get productive suggestions flowing.
Another great source of support during the holiday season is the general universe of other parents. Why? I call it a reality check. I can’t tell you the number of times I have…well, whined :-) a little about a situation or relationship with my stepchildren, only to have someone who has never had stepchildren turn around and say, “My son or daughter does that too!” Two distinct examples I recall are when my tween stepdaughter asked me to stop walking to school with her, and when my elementary-school stepson wouldn’t finish his homework for me. Some issues are just not stepfamily issues, and I think it’s healthy to recognize we don’t have to make every challenge in the stepfamily a stepmountain!
Keep that close to your heart as you snowball toward your holiday celebrations, especially during the inevitable stressful times that peak and valley throughout the season.
Mama J is a writer, parent, and stepparent in Northern Colorado. The preview audio to her book, Stepparenting the Grieving Child, goes live in seven days at www.dianefromme.com.
Tags: family challenges, holidays, Parenting advice, stepfamilies, support groups